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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29663709">you put me on</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/angellwings/pseuds/angellwings'>angellwings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chicago Fire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Realization, Talking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:00:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,011</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29663709</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/angellwings/pseuds/angellwings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s running late.</p><p>He never runs late, but lately he feels as if the entire world has tilted and everything is just slightly off kilter. Severide and Stella left early so they could put in some extra time on her studies. Which meant no one was home to wake him up when he overslept.</p><p>He’d also forgotten to even set his alarm. He’d ventured into the world of social media for the first time in years and instantly regretted it. He fell down a rabbit hole of light stalking when he ran across Sylvie’s Instagram.</p><p>She posted a picture with Grainger.</p><p>He was kissing her cheek and she was smiling brighter than Matt’s seen her smile in <em>weeks</em>. He loves her smile. He should be happy for her.</p><p>But, no, instead it feels like there’s a hand wrapped around his heart, and it’s squeezing so tight that the pain radiates through his entire body.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>157</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you put me on</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><strong>A/N: </strong>So, I don’t know how 9x08 is going to go and it seems like too much for me to guess what the whole episode might be like but I did think of something I wish Grainger being at 51 would lead to. Will the show go this route? Probably not. Do I desperately want them to? Yes. Lmao.</p><p>Anyway, happy reading!</p><p>xoxo</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>******</p><p>
  <em>“And when I felt like I was an old cardigan,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Under someone's bed,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You put me on and said I was your favorite.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“cardigan” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>******</p><p>He’s running late.</p><p>He never runs late, but lately he feels as if the entire world has tilted and everything is just slightly off kilter. Severide and Kidd left early so they could put in some extra time on her studies. Which meant no one was home to wake him up when he overslept.</p><p>He’d also forgotten to even set his alarm. He’d ventured into the world of social media for the first time in years and instantly regretted it. He fell down a rabbit hole of light stalking when he ran across Sylvie’s Instagram.</p><p>She posted a picture with Grainger.</p><p>He was kissing her cheek and she was smiling brighter than Matt’s seen her smile in <em>weeks</em>. He loves her smile. He should be happy for her.</p><p>But, no, instead it feels like there’s a hand wrapped around his heart, and it’s squeezing so tight that the pain radiates through his entire body.</p><p>What is <em>wrong</em> with him?</p><p>It should not be this hard to let Sylvie go. He’s let everyone else go when asked and it wasn’t easy but he could do it — had done it, in fact. This time, though, the more he tries to move on the bigger the ache in his chest becomes and letting go somehow results in him holding on tighter. (To her, to their conversations, to the brief memory of having her completely to himself — all of it.)</p><p>Somehow, the more time that passes the deeper she burrows under his skin.</p><p>It doesn’t make sense and he has no idea what to do about it.</p><p>He rushes through the Firehouse, forgoes the locker room by dumping his bag on his cot, and sheds his coat on the back of his desk chair. He’ll get his Captain’s jacket out of his locker later.</p><p>“There you are,” Severide says as he appears in Casey’s open door. “Boden’s looking for us. Are you—are you <em>late</em>?”</p><p>“Shut up,” Matt replies with a huff as he passes Severide and starts walking to the bullpen. “I’m not late. I’m just in time.”</p><p>“You’ve overslept three times in one month. That’s more than you’ve ever overslept since the day we <em>met</em>. Jesus, this Brett thing really throwing you off that much?”</p><p>He silences Kelly with a glare, hoping to remind him they’re at work now and he doesn’t want to talk about it in the hallways of 51. “I told you. It’s been rough.”</p><p>They both glance toward Boden’s office as they walk to the door and spot a familiar tall figure inside.</p><p>“Is that the Lieutenant from 40? Graham or something?” Severide asks.</p><p>Matt’s brow furrows and his eyes narrow. “Not Graham. <em>Grainger</em>.”</p><p>“Wait, Grainger. Stella mentioned him. Isn’t he Brett’s new—“</p><p>“Yes,” Matt sneers, not wanting to hear Grainger’s actual label in relation to Sylvie.</p><p>“I didn’t know that guy was the same as the Lieutenant from 40,” Severide admits before giving Matt’s shoulder a rough pat. “I think this whole situation is about to get a little bit <em>rougher</em>. Sorry, man.”</p><p>Matt grits his teeth and takes in a deep breath, failing to calm his resentment. “What is he doing here?”</p><p>“Herrmann’s on furlough so I’ll give you one guess—“</p><p>“You’ve gotta be kidding me. <em>Fuck</em>. This is just what I needed today,” Matt grumbles. “Let’s get this over with.”</p><p>“Ah, there you are,” Boden says as they walk through the door. He sweeps an arm in Grainger’s direction before continuing. “I believe you’ve both met Lieutenant Grainger from Firehouse 40?”</p><p>Casey and Severide nod and smile. Casey’s smile is forced — and Boden knows it.</p><p>“He’ll be filling in for Herrmann for the next two shifts. Engine 40 was nice enough to loan him out to us so I didn’t have to call in a floater,” Boden explains.</p><p>“The Engine Lieutenant from first shift over at 40 needed the overtime and agreed to cover for me so we’re all doing him a favor really,” Grainger replies with a grin and a shrug. “He’s got three kids and another on the way.”</p><p>“Yikes,” Severide says with a wince. “Sounds like he needs that overtime for multiple reasons. The money <em>and</em> a break.”</p><p>Grainger chuckles and nods. “I guess. Though if it were me I think I’d enjoy that kind of chaos. I’m one of five myself. I’m used to it.”</p><p>“Severide, you mind showing Grainger the ropes?” Boden asks with a pointed glance. “Introducing him to the house and all that?”</p><p>Severide nods with a subtle sideways glance at Casey. “Yeah, not a problem, Chief. I’ve got it covered.”</p><p>Boden doesn’t dismiss him so Casey doesn’t bother to move when Grainger and Severide leave the room.</p><p>“Do I need to shut the door?” Boden asks sternly.</p><p>“No, Chief.”</p><p>“Is there something I should know about Grainger?”</p><p>“No, Chief,” he repeats.</p><p>“You sure? There’s nothing you need to tell me about him dating a certain PIC that you seem to be unusually distant from these last few weeks?”</p><p>Matt blinks at Boden in shock. He wasn’t aware he and Sylvie had been that obvious or that Boden had been paying attention.</p><p>“How many times do I have to remind you that I know everything that goes on in my house?” Boden asks him, one corner his mouth tugging upward in a crooked smirk.</p><p>Matt’s shoulders sag and he sighs, shaking his head. “There’s nothing to tell.” And sadly that’s the actual truth. Sylvie declared anything between them to be impossible so there truly is nothing going on. “As far as I know, Grainger’s a good solid guy and there’s no reason he and I can’t work together.”</p><p>Boden nods. He looks as if he wants to probe further but doesn’t ask. “Let’s make sure it stays that way. I want him to feel welcome here. Understood?”</p><p>“Copy that,” Matt answers. “There won’t be any problems.”</p><p>And there aren’t. At least not from his point of view. Okay, so maybe he’s a little unnecessarily snippy with Grainger a couple of times. But Matt’s been doing this job a long time. He doesn’t need advice from someone he doesn’t know. And yeah maybe his gratitude had been sarcastic when he’d asked the house if anyone had heard from 61 since they left for their call and <em>Grainger</em> answered. But that was it. There were no big blow ups or confrontations and Grainger didn’t even seem to notice.</p><p>Or at least Matt didn’t <em>think</em> he did.</p><p>Not until that last call.</p><p>They’d been called to do a standard alarm check in an office building. It turned out to be a false alarm due to a faulty box. But as they were leaving a police chase came barreling around the corner and a car flipped right before their eyes — rolling until it wedged itself up against the building. There was a moment of astounded quiet before Engine and Truck finally sprang into action. They couldn’t believe what they’d just witnessed but marveling at it would have to wait.</p><p>The driver is trapped and the car is pinned sideways with very little room to pull the victim free.</p><p>“Quickest solution is gonna be to cut through the undercarriage with the k-12,” Grainger recommends as they’re both crouched by the rear of the overturned vehicle.</p><p>“We run the risk of cutting the gas lines,” Casey points out.</p><p>“If we try and extract out the passenger side door or the windshield then he might bleed to death before the medics can treat—“</p><p>“I’m aware!” Casey yells. </p><p>He shouldn’t have but he’s fed up with the whole situation and it’s only made worse by the fact that Grainger is an extremely capable officer. Everyone at 51 is already charmed by him — Even Severide who bonded with him over <em>muscle cars</em> of all things. Casey doesn’t know shit about muscle cars.</p><p>He selfishly doesn’t want to give Grainger the satisfaction of being right about undercarriage extraction but for the good of the victim he <em>has to</em>. Grainger is right. It’s the quickest way, even if they do snag the gas line.</p><p>“Kidd!” Casey orders, standing from his crouch. “Get the k-12! We’re cutting through the undercarriage!”</p><p>“Copy, Captain!”</p><p>Grianger doesn’t say anything about him taking his suggestion but Casey can see the tension in his stiff nod. “Engine’s got nothing to do if you need the extra hands.”</p><p>“Stand-by. I’m sure we will,” Casey declares through a locked jaw.</p><p>Truck and Engine work together to free the man from the vehicle. He’s treated and taken to Med with a police escort, ready to arrest him once he’s stable. Matt chooses to say nothing else to Grainger. He simply nods at him and then orders Truck to start cleaning up.</p><p>He offers Engine’s help. “Many hands make light work,” Grainger supplies. </p><p>He doesn’t look cheerful as he says it but he doesn’t look upset either. If forced to describe him, Matt would say he looked restrained or stoic. Yeah, Grainger has definitely noticed Matt’s hostility now. He feels a little guilty about that because, truthfully, Grainger hasn’t done anything wrong but Casey can’t stop himself from disliking him anyway.</p><p>The man just waltzed into their lives a few weeks ago and he’s already been given the one thing Matt’s wanted for months, at least — <em>years</em>, at most. How is it so much easier for some men to go after what they want? Grainger’s lucky that way. He doesn’t freeze up when pressed to be truthful to the one person who means more to him than anyone else in the world.</p><p>He doesn’t have a complicated history to grapple with or somehow persuade Sylvie to ignore. He’s starting with a clean slate — the benefit of the doubt is his for the taking. Matt would do anything for a clean slate or the benefit of the doubt. But he doesn’t think either of those things are possible for him when it comes to Sylvie.</p><p>But this man, <em>who barely knows her</em>, is just handed the keys to the entire kingdom. No questions asked.</p><p>When they get back to the house he retreats to his quarters and buries himself in his incident report. He takes an inordinate amount of time to fill it out and decides to be far more detailed than he would usually be. He doesn’t want to go back out there and face Grainger. Or anyone else who witnessed his behavior on that last call.</p><p>Shit. He really needs to get it together.</p><p>He finishes the report about an hour later and when he opens his door and tries to emerge from his quarters he’s suddenly pushed back through the door — deeper into the small room. He looks up as he catches himself on his desk. His lips part to protest but no sound comes out.</p><p>His mouth goes completely dry and his anxiety skyrockets.</p><p>Because the person standing in front of him, her cheeks flushed with her hands on her hips, is Sylvie Brett.</p><p>“We need to talk,” she states, lips forming a furious thin line when she’s done.</p><p>“We do?” Matt asks. He sounds fearful and he knows it. He tries not to wince at himself but he knows what’s about to happen and he knows he deserves it.</p><p>“About Greg.”</p><p>Matt blinks at her. There’s a livid buzzing in his brain. He knows who Greg is, even if he’s actually never heard the name before. </p><p>“Greg?” He asks with a huff and a dry scoff.</p><p>“Yes, <em>Greg</em>. That’s his name, Casey.”</p><p>He nods. “It is but it’s not what the rest of us call him.”</p><p>She ignores him and that’s probably for the best. He’s not being fair to her but he can’t seem to stop.</p><p>“Did he do something to offend you?” Sylvie asks, crossing her arms over her chest. “Because you’ve been incredibly rude to him since the start of shift.”</p><p>“No,” he replies honestly. “He hasn’t done anything to me.”</p><p>“Then what’s the problem?” </p><p>She sounds completely bewildered and for the life of him he doesn’t understand <em>why</em> she’s confused. He knows his jealousy’s been obvious so how does she not see it?</p><p>“Are you serious?” Matt asks her. “Is that a rhetorical question?”</p><p>“No! It’s not rhetorical,” she replies, frustration evident in her voice. “I’d like to know why you’ve been biting Grainger’s head off every time he even dares to speak. Everyone else seems to really like him and I think you could too if you’d actually give him a chance—“</p><p>“That’s the problem!” Matt exclaims, laughing bitterly. “I don’t want to like him. I know I would if I stopped to talk to him and I don’t want to.”</p><p>She sighs tiredly and leans back against his closed door. “Why not?”</p><p>“I want you to be happy, Sylvie. I do, but seeing you happy with someone else...I can’t do that. Not yet,” he confesses softly. “It’s not his fault and it’s not personal but I can’t be buddies with the man you’ve moved on with.”</p><p>“You know this isn’t at all fair don’t you?” Sylvie asks him, brow pinching and arms tightening around herself. “If the roles were reversed and <em>Sydney</em> was here I’d be perfectly pleasant to her. As a matter of fact, I <em>was</em> perfectly pleasant to her.”</p><p>“Seeing as how that was over after two dates I guess we’ll never find out for sure,” Matt replies, shaking his head and looking away from her. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve disappointed you, yet again. I just can’t pretend anymore. I want you to be happy with <em>me</em> not him. But I heard you before and I get that Gabby is an issue for you — even if I disagree — so I dropped it.” His eyes water and he tries to blink the moisture away. “I tried to let you go the way you asked. I’m <em>still</em> trying, but I don’t really want to so it’s a lot harder than I thought it would be. You asked me for space once and I gave it to you, so this is me asking not for space but for...time. And <em>patience</em>. Lots of patience. I can’t go out there and pretend to be friends with him. Please don’t ask?”</p><p>He hasn’t dared look at her the entire time he’s been speaking. He’s been afraid to see the disgust or rejection on her face. She doesn’t want him anymore. That much is clear. But is it too much to ask to not have visual evidence of that fact?</p><p>“I—you broke up with Sydney?” She asks meekly.</p><p>He snorts derisively. “No, I didn’t break up with her. I stopped seeing her. There’s a difference. Breaking up implies there was a relationship. It was two dates and all those dates did was make me miss <em>you</em> more.”</p><p>“You asked her out so quickly, though. I mean, it was so soon after we’d—“ she cuts off her own sentence and swallows thickly. “You certainly seemed to like her a lot, given that she borrowed your shirt.”</p><p>With anyone else that would have been a jab, but not with Sylvie. She didn’t sound angry. She sounded...<em>sad</em> — hurt. It grabs his attention and brings his eyes to her face. </p><p>Her eyes are as watery as his and she’s pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as if she’s nervous about his reaction.</p><p>He’s never wanted to kiss her more than he does right now. It’s a reaction that doesn’t make any damn sense. They’re both heartbroken. Everything is <em>off</em> between them. And <em>now</em> he wants to kiss her?</p><p>“It’s a destructive pattern I have,” Matt admits with a self deprecating grin. “I can’t just try to move on. I have to try to move on with someone else. Typically, it works.” He pauses and sucks in a nervous breath, gulping before he continues. “It didn’t this time.”</p><p>“Who were you trying to move on from exactly?” She asks, sounding almost as if she doesn’t want to know the answer.</p><p>He feels like the answer should be obvious and he doesn’t understand why she’s asking but he failed at answering a question for her once before and he doesn’t want to do that again. So, he doesn’t over think it or try to analyze it. He just speaks.</p><p>“You,” he tells her, brows furrowed in confusion. “Who else?”</p><p>Her lips part and she sucks in a sharp breath, eyes roaming his face. He can tell she’s looking for something. He doesn’t know what but he lets her look. Maybe he doesn’t always have the right words but he knows what he feels even if he can’t admit it outloud. When her eyes find him again he sees surprise, affection, and…</p><p>Hope.</p><p>Hope? Does that mean what he thinks it means? The possibilities in her gaze almost knock him out. He thought it was all over. He thought she’d locked him out for good. But now he’s beginning to wonder if he <em>thought</em> wrong.</p><p>Her eyes hold onto his as she swallows and wets her lips. That look is familiar. It was the same look she gave him at Molly’s the night after the Ambo crash. He’ll never forget that look. It very nearly caused him to stop breathing.</p><p>It has the same effect now.</p><p>“I have to go,” Sylvie says unexpectedly. “Um, you—you don’t have to be social with Grainger. Just...can you be nice at least?”</p><p>The sudden turn throws him, but he knows her well enough to spot the panic in her expression. He remembers the way she fled Molly’s that night too. For now, he’ll let her go.</p><p>But as he nods and watches her rush away he realizes one vital thing.</p><p>He and Sylvie are far from over. </p><p>She may say they can’t happen, but she does want him. He still has a shot.</p><p>He’ll be damned if he gives up now.</p>
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